Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Randomize
