This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I am available for nakedness
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
