can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
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