I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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