now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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