Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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