did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm too high and old for this...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
