he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
