ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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