if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When are your genitals available?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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