And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
