last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
