i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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