I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
