I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I currently don't understand fingers.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
