Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
