I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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