cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it's like iHOP with fire
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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