official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
