he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
