yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
ugly people sure do ruin things
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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