how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
