ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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