Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
be right there i have to get my cape
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I pour the whiskey from now on
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
