As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
