Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Your dad touched me again.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
