It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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