My friends, they love my intelligence
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
my poor anus
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
