We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How does one acquire holy water?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
