she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
