So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
