Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm sobbing to NWA
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
