Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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