dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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