This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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