Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
