your parents love me but you hate me
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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