Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
