Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
