So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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