Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
