My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
