ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
