never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
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