I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
