We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
