So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
