Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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