Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
