I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
